Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Top Celebrity Misshaps from 2007

I was reading through all of the year end, and year in review things on celebrities and found the following list of biggest celebrity trainwrecks for 2007 on TMZ.

#21- Britney Jean Spears -- The current Queen of Train Wrecks, y'all! Behold, her messjesty!
#20- Gummi Bear -- aka Jason Davis and brother of Greasy Bear -- his ursine ridiculousness is beloved by ... dozens.
#19- Greasy Bear -- the oily heir also known as Brandon Davis -- firecrotched his way into briefly relevant obscurity.
#18- Chris Crocker launched a new kind of wreck: the wreck who supports another wreck, and has diehard MySpace fans.
#17- Miss Amy Winehouse -- put a wreck in a beehive, and whaddaya got? A whole lotta mess!
#16- Foxy Brown's unstoppable train wreck finally crash landed at Riker's Island for a one-year stop.
#15- Paris Hilton -- the booking photo can't hide her elegance, her charm, her wonky eye.
#14- Bobby Trendy and Daniel DiCriscio -- when train wrecks collide! Can you smell the fabulousness?
#13- Janice Dickinson, aka Trannysaurus Wrecks, lends a certain superb trashiness to everything she does -- and everyone.
#12- The Carter family -- wrecktabulous family gathering.
#11- Donatella Versace gapes at beachgoers she caused to flee.
#10- La Lohan -- Lindsey Lohan Santa Monica mugshot before shipping off to rehab in Utah.
#9- Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag -- trainwreck douchebags everyone loves to hate.
#8- Tara Reid -- the train wreck got back on track -- but not before leaving lots of piled up messiness.
#7- Courtney Love -- big ol' bucket o' train wreck! Even sober, she's messalicious!
#6- Pam Anderson's double-D wreckage inspires men to marry her -- and make unusual home movies.
#5- Andy Dick -- the wreckage has other personae. This is Daphne.
#4- Kate Moss dated Pete Doherty. Moss is messy.
#3- Jacko the baby dangler! This insane photo put a new spin on crazazy.
#2- Michael Richards drove his train right off the stage at the Laugh Factory -- and into wreck history.
#1- Mel Gibson -- the hater wreck went memorably awry in Malibu.

I have some issues with this list. Well, first off of course because we shouldn't care. But really, Britney Spears was much more of a train wreck than #21. Britney's photos without panties. Her divorce, shaving her head, the sexy chub performance on stage. Really, she's #1.

Who the hell are Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag?

Michael Jackson? Was the baby dangling in 2007? Who cares? When was that trial? Was that 2007? THAT should make the list. And where is OJ Simpson? I'd say he's made some news this year.

Janice Dickinson? Aaron and Nick Carter? Donatella Versace? Who's paying attention to them?

Then I went over to read another list by Trixy Honoré

She started with this great line;
I liked her column, parts of it are excerpted below. You can read the whole thing here.

Dare I say it, but this year went even faster than the ones before. Just moments ago I was welcoming you to a brand new year of star scandals and before you can say 'custody battle' — bang! — Britney's little 16-year-old sister Jamie-Lynn Spears is pregnant and 2007 is practically over.

Angelina Jolie added yet another kid to her and Brad Pitt's ever-growing brood. Little Pax Thien joined Maddox, Zahara and Shiloh to make the fourth of the Jolie-Pitt young-uns. Anna Nicole Smith's year was a crazily tragic one, and she won't even get to see it out. In short order she gave birth, lost her older son Daniel to an overdose, and then died herself — triggering a custody battle for her newborn (and likely ultra-wealthy) daughter, involving at least four men, one of them Zsa Zsa Gabor's eldery husband!
In the end, her ex Larry Birkhead turned out to be Danielynn's daddy.

It's been a really bad year as far as stars and the law have gone. Except for Pete Doherty.
On the down side for Pete, he finally managed to lose Kate Moss.

Less legally lucky have been Britney Spears and her child custody woes — but I'm sure you don't want to hear any more about that ongoing and sorry tale. Of course, she's also run over a bunch of photographers' feet and got into trouble for not having a driver's license.

But more impressive than her exploits even, more celeb-tastic than Kiefer Sutherland's Christmas and New Year's stint in jail, or Nicole Ritchie's 'I'm pregnant and going to the slammer (though only for, like, two hours)' thing… Yes, more impressive than the really light sentence Nic got for being convicted of, you know, just driving the wrong way down a highway and being high at the time…

Paris Hilton! And the unbelievable performance she made of her — what was it? — like three seconds in prison. She cried and freaked out. She got released early. She got rearrested. She made the news all around the world. She came out a changed woman, ready to save the world… or, like, totally donate some money to charity and stuff.

Sure, Amy Winehouse could have gone under the legal woes. But what she has to get greatest credit for in 2007, is steadfastly refusing to even consider rehab, despite her insane, drug-binging, hotel-trashing lifestyle that's practically left her looking older than Mick Jagger.

Still, she can't hold a candle to the real star of the year's rehab sagas — Lindsay Lohan.

Ah, it was sad — kind of — to say goodbye to Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston in the dying moments of 2006, and they never even had a horrible, irritating acronym like Bennifer. He just got, well, clean-cut and hot enough for our Jen, though. Then there was Pamela Anderson who last year married Kid Rock a billion times and then divorced him. This year she married the charming Rick Saloman (former sex tape-with-Paris Hilton star) — and now, a few months later, she's thinking of divorcing him. Well, she did file the papers, but is now apparently having second thoughts. Saddest celeb split, though, and the biggest and most shocking of the year has to be Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe.

No I have to go catch up on what Perez Hilton has to say. I'll be back.

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