Friday, April 4, 2008

Artie Lange is an Ass

I listened to a little bit of the Howard Stern Show yesterday. I'm still not listening to Bubba the Love Sponge out of protest for the fact that Ned is really just Manson, and Bubba is ripping off the listeners who believe it with "Bubbapalooza starring Ned.

Anyhow. Right from the start of listening to Howard a couple of years ago I noticed that he surrounds himself with "losers" and people he can make fun of. He rarely has comedians on his show anyhow, (who the hell is Bob Levy and who thinks his cranky ass is funny?). Benjy Bronk, Scott the Engineer, JD, Richard and Sal, BabaBooey- there's something wrong with each of them that becomes the "drama" for the show, the storyline. Howard talks about his own foibles and faults ad nauseum, but since the staff worships him it's clear that he's the only one allowed to talk about those faults. Except maybe Robin, which is probably why so many fans hate her-she comes off as competent.

Then there's the Whack pack, retards, people with funny voices, midgets, retarded midgets- literally (see Beetlejuice). More people he can make fun of.

Hitler did the same thing- all the people in his administration had issues, a club foot or drinking problems or some fault that could make the insecure boss feel better about himself by comparison.

But this is not a stab at Howard. He feels bad enough about himself that I don't want to point anything his way, and he's smart enough to know what he does and over analyze it. I'm just setting the stage here.

Yesterday's show featured Artie Lange saying some really horrible things to a Whack Packer named High Pitch Mike. I'm sure whack packers can be annoying, and having this person, who apparently said some awful things about Artie's father, who fell off a roof and was paralyzed for a while before it killed him, must be hard, but Lange's venom was disturbing. If Artie weren't such a miserable shit of a human it wouldn't have gotten far enough for High Pitch Mike to say that stuff. He said something to the effect of "Look, I hope you don't die of aids, I hope you're in a horrible car crash and are crippled for about ten years then die a painful death." I mean, that's just evil.

Artie Lange was a failed comic on Mad TV. He was fired from that job because of a drug problem. Norm MacDonald had him tag along to the Stern Show one day and Howard liked him and hired him as the comedic sidekick. Now, revisiting what I said- Howard seems threatened by actual funny comedians (he never has them on, unlike Bob and Tom, for example), and he hires people with whom there is some sort of major character issue, and we understand how Artie Lange has his job- ie, he's not very funny, and has no self control (food, drugs). Somehow, someway, he has become a wealthy man (he should bend and pray to Howard every day for that by the way).

Of those to whom much is given, much is expected.
Artie is wealthy thanks to whatever lucky horseshoe he has up his ass, he has fans. He should not be arguing with a loser whose only claim to fame is a high pitched voice. I've listened to the show off and on for a couple of years now, and I've wondered what the hell Artie is there for. I'm tired of his "drug addict" stories, it's like the semi nerd talking up his bad boy image to make the rest of the nerds look up to him for his street cred. I think most of that is BS anyhow. How many grossly overweight heroin addicts have you ever seen? Jerry Garcia was a rich heroin snorter too, and he was svelte compared to this guy. The other week Artie was talking about batting against John Maine of the Mets, and bragging up his "semi-pro" baseball career. Uh huh, climb another rung on the delusion ladder.

That's my two cents.

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